Letting Go

I used to be so afraid of letting things go when I was younger. I’d bottle up my feelings and I’d always want to fix things so they could stay where I’d like them to be. 

But nothing remains. Except for scars. 

Now I feel like I should let go of the things I treasure most to avoid feeling hurt one day. 

Six Hours

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“Six hours before we say goodbye again,

You’re still asleep next to me, as always,

I can fall asleep anytime I want while you stare into the darkest nights,

Your warm smooth skin is what I crave,

When I toss and turn on the bed and you’re not around

As I close my eyes, I pretend that you’re caressing down my thighs.

 

I can’t help what you did to me,

Opened my eyes wide so I can see,

It scares me to death knowing that I’d leave you behind with the memories.

 

We’ll get there eventually,

They do not know what we feel to rethink this through carefully,

You’ve taken half of my heart,

And in time they will finally understand and see what this love was made to me,

What this love means to me.

— Suzie Mz x

 

What is love?

After so many failed relationships and crushes, I honestly do not know what love really is.

I’ve been in love a couple of times before but they always ended up with me crying my days and nights out, losing so much of weight because I was too sad and the worst is that I always end up feeling more lonely than before. 

I recently got into a relationship with a younger boy/man and I love every second of it. Although he is in Amsterdam and I’m in Kuala Lumpur – the distance doesn’t feel as bad as my previous relationship.

People in my life always leave. Or they’d hurt me brutally. Emotionally, physically and sexually. They exhausted me.

So my concern is – when will this crumble and fall? Because good things never happen to me.