Letting Go

I used to be so afraid of letting things go when I was younger. I’d bottle up my feelings and I’d always want to fix things so they could stay where I’d like them to be.

But nothing remains. Except for scars.

 

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Six Hours

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“Six hours before we say goodbye again,

You’re still asleep next to me, as always,

I can fall asleep anytime I want while you stare into the darkest nights,

Your warm smooth skin is what I crave,

When I toss and turn on the bed and you’re not around

As I close my eyes, I pretend that you’re caressing down my thighs.

 

I can’t help what you did to me,

Opened my eyes wide so I can see,

It scares me to death knowing that I’d leave you behind with the memories.

 

We’ll get there eventually,

They do not know what we feel to rethink this through carefully,

You’ve taken half of my heart,

And in time they will finally understand and see what this love was made to me,

What this love means to me.

— Suzie Mz x

 

Puzzled Whispers

It’s finally time, 

Everything comes tumbling down, 

Don’t know why I picked up the signs that you prefer her to be in your underarms. 

 

I’ll be fine, 

Soulmates come and go for some reasons, 

Thought you were the one but who am I kidding?

Why’d I feel so lonely when we’re talking…?

 

The whispers that I hear, I just really want you near,

How could you be so fine? I’ve got you on my mind, baby. 

To think that you’d want to be mine…

I look around – everything turns to ashes and wine. 

 

Lets rewind, 

Laying all our puzzles on the table,

With you I lose my strength and all my able,

You’re my favourite piece amongst the people.

 

I don’t get it,

If love’s supposed to break us free why’d I feel our souls crumble in between?

Intertwining skin and bones deep within me.

 

The whispers that I hear, I just really want you near,

How could you be so fine? I’ve got you on my mind, baby. 

To think that you’d want me too…

I look around – everything is grey and blue without you.

What is love?

After so many failed relationships and crushes, I honestly do not know what love really is.

I’ve been in love a couple of times before but they always ended up with me crying my days and nights out, losing so much of weight because I was too sad and the worst is that I always end up feeling more lonely than before. 

I recently got into a relationship with a younger boy/man and I love every second of it. Although he is in Amsterdam and I’m in Kuala Lumpur – the distance doesn’t feel as bad as my previous relationship.

People in my life always leave. Or they’d hurt me brutally. Emotionally, physically and sexually. They exhausted me.

So my concern is – when will this crumble and fall? Because good things never happen to me.